Reliving with the secret emotional painful past sucks the life out of your present moment.
Perhaps someone said something so painful to you. Or someone you loved and trusted did the unthinkable and unforgiving thing to you. Many years has gone by, and you still remember it just like yesterday. This not only causes you to feel anger and resentment, but the people in your life are affected by it as well.
You can’t seem shake it off. It keeps resurfacing itself into the present. It sticks to you like crazy glue sticking to a piece of paper.
Why is that? How come some people are resilient?
You’ll find out when you this video, “Why some people cannot let go of the painful past and keep bringing it into the present? And How to let go of it.”
Bill Stierle is a communication specialist, has been working with individuals, families and businesses for over 25 years. If you or you know someone is going through a painful trauma from the past, this interview might be your answer you’ve been waiting for.
In this conversation I had with Bill, he shared very deep insight, with you in mind, the main reason behind of why some people keep on reliving in the painful past and how to let go of it so you can get her life back to live as being yourself and a happier self.
Note: The video was cut off at the end. My phone ran out of storage space. All the important message from Bill is in this video. The only missing part was the ending.
Living with secret emotional pain is excruciating painful. You may feel ashame, angry, embarrass, not good enough, what people will think of your if you were to share your pain and so on.
Ultimately, you feel everything that is going on within you.
Who want to live a more meaningful and happier life? I do. As long as we are alive, we all do. You have to make it happen though.
I encourage you to liberate yourself from that painful life you are living in at this moment.
- Because you have the power to liberate and free yourself. No one can.
- Because you have a beautiful soul awaiting you and for a chance to have “freedom”, a happier and peaceful life.
- Because you must respect and value yourself.
- Because just like this ribbon about to be cut off, each day you live, your life becomes shorter. You don’t know when your the last day will be cut off. You better hurry up.
Try out Stierle’s suggestions. Or if you need a little more help, contact Bill Stierle and ask him for a free consultation. I would appreciate if you let him know that you hear from Neary Heng.
Please let me know how it goes for you.
Important: Links to other posts, videos, etc. may be deleted as they can come across as spams.
Please share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments below. You’ll never know how your comment could help other readers.
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Transcription:
Neary: Welcome everybody! This is Neary Heng. I’m here with Bill Stierle. Bill, could you tell us what do you do professionally?
Bill: Well, what do professionally is I’m a mediator. I’m a communication Specialist that helps people to communicate with each other better, as well as reduce internal conflicts that show up because he bring our stories from the past to the present.
I help people to communicate why people think the way they do, why people behave the way they do, and how to resolve conflicts more peacefully.
Neary: Now you said some great, excellent KEY words, past, and resolve and problems.
Bill: Yes.
Neary: So we know it’s the past. So why do we bring the past to the front or now?
Bill: That’s an excellent question. The main reason why we bring the past to the present moment is the brain trying to heal the past trauma.
And one of the thing that happens in our mind is… let me do it this way. The front part of the brain has about 400,000 neural connections to it, the logical part of the brain and the future oriented brain. Where as with the back of the brain has 4.3 million connections; so the emotional part of the brain and that the safety being part of the brain have more logical languages and the ability to synthesize.
So what’s ending up happening in trauma is that we are seeing something vs viewing something and then what happens is that it goes into long-term memory so that the body tries to vented in a safer way later. So it goes into fight, fight and freeze and tries to protect ourselves because a lot of things we see are very traumatic in our world. A lot of things we hear are dramatic.
And how do we, how the brain does that?
‘Well, well,” it says, ‘I’ll let it go later for a long period of time rather than dealing with it right now.” yeah.
Neary: So we had a conversation before this recording . So let’s say, I have a challenge from the past, and I keep bringing this to the present. Could you give an example with one of your clients?
Bill: Yes. That’s great. So one of my clients have a difficulty. When he was 5 years old, he had a very dramatic experienc with the school principal regarding sexual intricacy.
Neary: Wow!
Bill: What end up happening was, he as a five-year-old, could not process that. He wound up not telling his parents.
All that time. So now all of sudden, he was in his early fifties.
Neary: Wow, that is a long time!
Bill: That’s a long time; he’s holding all that. He didn’t even realize he was holding it.
Neary: That’s a very, very heavy baggage!
Bill: So one of the things we needed to do was to mourn. Mourn the event of the past.
You can’t change the event. You can change the frame of which you see.
So think of the picture frame.
Neary: Okay
Bill: Sometimes the picture frame if I have a picture frame and I changed…
Are you going to that picture frame right there?
Neary: Exactly!
Bill: So quickly. If you change this picture frame to have the color brown instead of the silver color, it changes the whole dynamic of the picture.
If you change the picture frame to green, it changes the whole dynamic of the picture.
The same thing with our dram and past.
What we do is we change the frame in which we are adult self sees it. And then we bring compassion and empathy to the person who went for that suffering.
So what I found up doing was I rolled play. I played his parent and him telling his for the first time like a five year old. And then what happened was you changed the frame.
So then all the sudden, it moves into the past like history page. It actually falls into history.
You can’t change the picture on the page.
But what you do is you change the ways the person sees it. And it stays there. It stays there.
So his drinking problem and his weight problem went away within a very short period of time. Because he actually got a hold of, “You know that happened to me back then. I was a little boy. And it’s really affecting my parents. And they never knew why I was such an upset kid. And it causes a lot of problems with my current family but I didn’t know. I was five-year-old . I’m going to forgive to 5 years old for not knowing that.”
And then it was able to put in the past and not impacting this present moment suffering. yeah
The hardest part is that every moment in life, we have this opportunities to either celebrate things because our needs are being met.
Like right now, I’m meeting for the first time. Our need for connections because I actually are actually being met.
So I feel delighted, contribution to the people who are watching this video.
So my feeling, my need is the connection. That I feel delighted because my need for connection with you is being met.
I feel energized, that’s my gut feeling, because my need for contribution to you, as well as your viewers, is being met.
So that’s called things are going well.
But watch this. When things don’t go well. Watch what happens now. I feel disappointment. My need for, let’s say, consideration, wasn’t the met. I feel sad because my need for a belonging wasn’t met.
I feel disheartened because my feeling for acceptance is not met.
So I noticed that the feelings and needs have relationship to them.
The big thing about keeping things from ruminating in the past that coming forward is for us to mourn, which is let go off, mourn to bury, morn to experience the loss when your needed to morn is not being met in the past.
It could be physical safety. It could be emotional safety. It could be the need for respect for the parents. Or maybe the need for family that wasn’t me.
Then we get to mourn that.
Neary: That’s great. Excellent explanation. Now in the case of the guy, I’m curious, what prompted him to actually start talking about it?
Bill: The thing prompted him was there was the chance for us to deal with the drinking problems that he had, and the weight problems that he had.
So away to say something deeper is going on here, and you need to like, address the things that’s so deep and so far.
Neary: So, so the conversation was like peeling an onion.
Bill: Like peeling an onion.
Neary: All the way to the core.
Bill: That’s correct. And all of a sudden once you at the center, you know, hey your need for your protection wasn’t met. And you didn’t know anything about it
Or you need for physical safety wasn’t met because you didn’t know to say because you were five.
Your need for being heard wasn’t met because you couldn’t. You were scared to talk to your parents.
Neary: May be [he was] confused after all. What do you expect five years old?
Bill: Confused was issued feeling he had to begin with. He couldn’t choose because the need for choice was also wrapped up in that. I had no choice in that situation.
This is the authority principal type of person. And I’m just on this little child.
Neary: Did he ever got to, I know you mentioned closure, to that principle?
Bill: No. There’s actually no need to go visit the principal or even go after justice in this point. What you do actually you’re trying to get closure inside the person. So their closed. Their resolved.
Once the person wants to go after a justice, that’s later on; that’s a whole another thing. But the primary target is internal closure about a dramatic moment or about a situation that didn’t take place in the past.
Bill: Just stay there with compassion…
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