Are You Feeling Lonely When You Are With Your Spouse?
What do you do?
Should you continue to endure living life like that for the rest your life?
You’ve a lot to say to him/her, but you could only say countless times in your head.
If you are in this situation, you are not alone. There are many women and men who are in the same situation as you.
Allow me to share Mary’s story. Mary met Mike at a religion gathering weekly. They both have good ethnic values to life. She thought he would be a great husband to her and a wonderful father when they’ve kids together some days.
So they got married, have two kids and have been happy together for the most part.
She goes to work full time, comes home to take care of the chores at home and for the kids related activities. She pays all the bills.
Mike is a hand-off husband. He is around the house to eat, sleep and intimacy. He is usually no where to be found when she needs him most. There was a time when their young daughter was in an Intensive Care Unit (ICU) for three days. He didn’t go to see her.
After that last incident, Mary starts to question herself and her relationship with Mike. Mary begins to feel different, lonely and confused. She loves her children dearly and still does not hate him. But for him not to visit his daughter while she was in the ICU was too much for Mary to accept. It puts a major dent in loving Mike.
She feels she is being used, unfair and has too much responsibilities. When she told how she feels to Mike, he insists that he is not using her. He still loves her and the kids as he always has been.
If you were Mary, what would you do? Obviously, there are more to her story that we don’t know. But you get the big picture.
Nonetheless, a broken home is a broken home.
I would start asking Mary a few questions.
What do you really want out of your life?
What do you want from your relationship?
What are your top five personal values, the reasons which you live by each day?
Answer each question honestly regardless who contribute more or less to the relationship daily at this point. In a relationship, there is never be always 50/50 responsibilities or feeling of love. One partner always has a feeling of love more than the other. A loved one does more things for his/her spouse more than the other.
You must have a definite purpose for yourself. Without having one, it is much harder for you to decide what actions to take.
Yes, you want your kids and family to have a peaceful, happy and comfortable lifestyle. That is what you’ve been doing – working yourself to the bone.
Yes, there are lots of fears, shames, guilt, IFs, BUTs, etc.
You could avoid solving the challenge at the heart of everything. You could continue to hope and pray that things will magically get better on its own some days.
Yes, you can ask every person on this earth all you want. You’ll get different overwhelming opinions, but they are the solutions to end the situation.
If you continue to do what you’ve been doing all these times, expect the same results. You live each moment feeling there is big black hole inside your heart and soul.
9 TIPS YOU SHOULD DO RIGHT NOW TO STOP IT
Know what you want for yourself in life and for you loved ones.
Always have an honest and open communication dialog.
Get help from a professional who resonate with your situation.
Stop seeking empathy from people by talking about your story to everyone who comes across you online or offline. They makes your feel high like helium in balloons for a short time. Ten minutes later, you start to feel the same crab all over again.
Do everything that you can that you have the control over.
Avoid getting frustrated over things you have no control.
Don’t try to change anyone or Mike. You cannot change him. You can only change YOU if you choose to upgrade yourself.
Take actions toward your desire resolutions with a deadline. Every action you take should be aligning with your values. A specific deadline must be set, i.e. six months from today date. When I’ve time, money, later, etc. are not deadlines. Don’t expect anyone to cure your loneliness without taking appropriate actions.
If you massively practice those nine tips regularly, you might be lost track of time. Whether you’re alone or with a group of people, you don’t feel lonely when you’re living each day doing the things are aligning with your most important values in your life.
There is no easy solution, but there is always a solution waiting for you. Only you have the answers, and you are the ultimate decision maker. It takes times and patient on your part. Take the right actions, one by one, day by day, eventually you will be freed, have peace of mind and happy. Just like raising a hen, it takes time before she starts to lay eggs.
A part of living a fulfilling life is to create the paradise within. That is to know what you want out your life in this moment and the future days.